So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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