Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
