textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
