Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
