so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
