Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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