she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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