why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
