matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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