just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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