allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
