I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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