Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
