so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
