The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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