I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
