Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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