Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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