i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You work out of a Hotel?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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