im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
