I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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