Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
