this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
