You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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