I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
