Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
