i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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