im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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