1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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