I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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