i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
