So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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