You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
