Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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