Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
