So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
