Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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