you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
