Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
