i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
