Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
