It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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