Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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