dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
