You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
