i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
