Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
