It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
