I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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