Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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